


Why we can't be

by MeadowHayle



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Age Difference, Drama, Dry Humping, F/M, Fluff, Food, Identity Reveal, Magic, Mechanic Rey, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Pride and Prejudice References, Redeemed Ben Solo, Secret Identity, Self Confidence Issues, Soft Ben Solo, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, That's Not How The Force Works, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), Witches, bookshop au, coven - Freeform, pride and prejudice - Freeform, virgins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeadowHayle/pseuds/MeadowHayle
Summary: Modern & Witches AUWhen old Maz forsaw a dyad, Rey never thought it would be a soulmate bond between her and the First Order coven member Kylo Ren. Desperately trying to undo her connection to the enemy, she seeks out ancient texts and meets Ben, a bookshop owner and crafter. While being bound to another Rey slowly but steadily falls in love with the quiet man, unknowing that he is the one she dislikes so passionately.A modern magic take on pride and prejudice.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 31
Kudos: 170
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. Aequilibrium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newseptembers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newseptembers/gifts).



> Hello dear newseptembers,
> 
> I loved your prompts and tags and I had so many ideas, that it took me a long time to decide what exactly to write. I thought this was going to be a 2000 word One-shot, but it escalated. The more I wrote the longer the story got in my head, so here we are. I hope you like it and even if you don't I'd love to hear from you. 
> 
>   
> One more thing, because my husband was confused by my choice of words and didn't get it: A crafter is basically a force user in this fic. The force is like a religion and though some people are so powerful that they know for sure it exists, others are only part of the coven and believe in something they can't experience themselves.
> 
> By the way, I created a playlist for this work: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18Cb929bWF9dcH6B5mIdky

It’s midsummer.

Rey is wearing a gown Rose has sown from old scraps of fabric. It’s colourful and vibrant and wide enough to dance in without feeling uncomfortable. Her hair is put up into a sophisticated version of her three buns style and she has already gotten compliments for it. Crystals hang on the string around her neck - the very first ones she got when she entered the coven - and a white, feathery mask covers her face.

Usually they are not wearing such extravagant masks, but this year all ten coven celebrate together and no one is willing to risk getting recognised by a rival after the event is over.

The initiation ritual was a full success, even though the First Order decided to arrive late and interrupt the proceedings.

Now music is starting to play, inviting crafters to dance. Welcome tunes of violins and drums fill the air and it smells like cotton candy and flowers.

Rey is shifting from one naked foot to the other, body swaying slightly in tune to the music. She sees Rose, Finn and Poe, all dancing more or less happily with members of the other coven. Bright sunlight warms her skin and she feels the force around her, within her.

It’s beautiful, really.

She loves forgetting about normal life. About her exhausting 9 to 5 job, her shabby one room flat, her lack of a family. When she is with the coven she feels more at home than she ever has before. But it’s not enough. She is an observer, a mere watcher who sees the picture perfect version of what life can be like when she looks at other people. But she doesn’t fit into it. She is the poor child pressing its’ nose upon the shop window, admiring the things it will never have.

At least she has friends now.

They aren’t exactly the kind of family she is looking for, but they are there for her, when it matters. They don’t really get her though.

No one does.

Even with her powers, she is alone. Being the fastest learner and most powerful within the coven surely has its’ perks, but it’s also tiring. People treat you differently. They expect certain things from you.

The song changes to something with a faster pace and Rey let’s out a sigh. More people join the others on the dance floor.

No one, who knows her reputation, will ask her out.

She knows, because people rarely interact with her, except when they tell her how well she does or how powerful she is. They are afraid of her, of her potential. They see her as some kind of spiritual being, with no human needs. She is barely twenty years old, but she feels ancient as she stands on the side-lines watching them.

There is a shiver in the force when he comes too stand beside her. Turning her head she recognizes his getup immediately. Everyone has been talking about him ever since he made an appearance and it’s hard not to notice the bloody red crystals around his belt.

Leia’s son is tall, to say the least. Rey can’t really tell what he looks like because of the hooded outfit and the dark mask he is wearing.

“Would you like to dance?” he asks, his deep voice resonating through the heavy mask he is wearing.

Rey stares at him then and feels mostly enraged. How dare he ask her to dance, after everything he has done? How dare he stand close to her and offer her what she longs for most with anybody but him?

She contemplates brushing him off. It’s what he deserves after what he did to his father. Han has still not recovered and they don’t know if he ever will. Leia has forgiven him though, but Rey feels like that doesn’t count, because he is her son.

Kylo is still holding his gloved hand out towards her and her chest heaves. She doesn’t know why he is wearing gloves, but she can only guess that he doesn’t want to be a part in all of this, even though its defies the purpose of this celebration.

Rey does though. She wants to be one half of the dyad that Maz foresaw so many months ago. And the only way of finding out who is the lucky pair is by skin-to-skin contact.

Kylo must know that.

Then again maybe it’s better not to touch him. If he is her soulmate she will turn heaven and hell to undo it. The things that are known about him are horrible enough to give her reason to fear the worst, if she ever actually gets to know him.

“Please?” he adds and Rey snaps out of her thoughts. She can’t deny him, even if she wants to. He is Leia’s son after all and Leia is her coven leader. It would be childish to decline the invitation when Rey has wanted to dance from the very first minute she arrived here.

Silently nodding she takes a step forward and he gently engulfs her hand with his big one.

They walk onto the dance floor and Kylo carefully guides his hands to hold her. His movements are slow as if he genuinely cares about her opinion of him or as though he is scared to touch her. Rey doesn’t know which one is true.

The music slows a bit and they start moving. There is heat emanating from him and Rey can feel tremors of the force around them. He is good at dancing and she allows him to lead her.

Her body gets lost in the rhythm of the music and the closeness to him and she finds herself enjoying the moment, even if she is dancing with the enemy.

They dance through two songs before Kylo suddenly falters and Rey only realizes why when she turns her head to see what he is looking at.

“Don’t let me interrupt your little… get-together.” The old voice let’s her freeze and she can feel Kylo’s grip around her tightening. “I just wanted to remind my young apprentice of the purpose of this gathering,” he says and taps on one of Kylo’s gloved hands.

Rey watches as he lets go of her and reluctantly removes his gloves, revealing long, pale fingers.

Snoke nods and there is a smug expression on his face, that makes Rey’s chest fill with disgust. The things she wants to do to this man.

She waits for him to disappear into the crowd again, while Kylo stores his gloves in the pockets of his trousers. He seems unsure of how to proceed and for the first time Rey wishes she could see his face.

Is he just as agitated by Snoke as she is? It nearly seems that way. But why would he stay in his coven then?

Collecting herself she holds her hand out towards him and he takes it. Bare skin touching hers.

For one second everything is fine and then hell breaks loose. The pain in her upper arm is immediate, like a hot knife cutting into her skin. They both gasp and stare at the place where their hands are still connected.

The music has stopped playing and Rey isn’t surprised that everyone has stopped their dancing to stare at the two of them.

When they touched the force imploded, sending a shockwave through the crowd surrounding them. It was powerful and she can still feel the aftershock emerging from them.

No one is moving.

This is the moment they have waited for. This is the goal of the evening. The dyad has been found, just like Maz said it would.

Rey and Kylo.

Soulmates. Destined.

Rey is so shocked she can hardly breathe.

How can he be her fate?

Her feelings are overwhelming her, eyes filling with tears. She starts to shiver uncontrollable.

“Not you,” she utters and pulls her hand away.

It shouldn’t hurt that much to physically separate from him, but it does.

Later Rey doesn’t remember leaving. She doesn’t remember how Leia tries to calm her down or how Rose stays by her side and tells her everything will be fine. She is too focused on the recent events and her brain isn’t able to form even one coherent thought. Instead there is a loop playing in her head of Kylo and her dancing and their hands touching.

Hours afterwards she stands alone in front of the mirror and examines her arm.

There is a fresh scar gracing it, red and angry.

It looks like two hands reaching out towards each other and Rey swallows heavily, blinking back new tears.

It doesn’t matter if Kylo Ren is her soulmate. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Even if he is Leia’s son, even if the force wills it, she can’t be with him.

All she ever wanted was to be loved by someone, but it seems that her chances of that happening are next to zero. Still she vows to herself not to pity her fate too much. Maybe after everything there will be somebody, who can accept her bond to another man, even if it takes years. She has time after all and she has always been good at waiting.


	2. A quiet life

**Two and a half years later**

It is snowing outside when she enters the store, her boots leaving wet footprints on the whining wooden floorboards. Her fingers are freezing and she flexes them slowly, trying to get a feeling into them again.

Warm envelopes her as well as the smell of books and a faint note of tea and herbs. The door shuts behind her and the bell, which has announced her arrival, falls silent.

She looks around reluctantly, never having been here before.

It’s a neat bookstore. Obviously not as fancy as the big one up on main street, but nice enough for passing customers, who are looking for something antiquarian.

Rey is just about to look for whoever works here, when he appears behind a large bookshelf, carrying a stack of worn out copies.

He notices her immediately and puts the pile down on the big wooden counter. His eyes are trained on her, when he leans forward ever so slightly, one hand driving through his thick dark hair as if on instinct and Rey’s eyes follow the movement.

There is something about him.

Curious she reaches out with the force, but there is a wall surrounding him. He is shielding himself, she realizes.

If he felt her mental approach he doesn’t comment on it.

“Welcome,” he greets her instead. “How can I help you?”

Rey stares at him for a few more seconds before remembering her task.

“I need some books.” She licks her lips. “Everything you have about dyads.”

His gaze flickers over her form before asking, “What kind of diet? High carb, protein, sugar free, vegan…”

“No, a dyad. D-Y-A-D. Two things that belong together?” She makes a gesture with her hands.

“Ah,” he nods.

Carefully she opens her satchel and pulls out a worn out piece of paper, thrusting it towards him. He scans the contents, a frown appearing on his face.

When he looks at her again his gaze is careful, almost guarded.

“Are you...” he starts then looks back at the list again.

“You don’t-“ He doesn’t finish his sentence; instead motioning her to follow him while he walks up the creaky stairs. Rey trails behind him, suddenly becoming aware of how quiet it is in here. No other customers then, she figures.

He leads her to a seating area with a big table upstairs and tells her to wait. Rey stands, looking around. Big bookshelves line the walls and there is a vintage vibe to the whole store, which she finds oddly charming. Upon further investigation she also notices a protection spell, professionally cloaking the building from unwanted visitors. She wonders who is on that list.

Letting out a breath she opens her jacket. She will find answers. There have to be answers. Admittedly she hasn’t felt Kylo since he disappeared after midsummer, cutting himself off from the force and leaving his coven behind. Still she feels as though the case isn’t rested. If he can run away, she can too, but that is not a long-term solution. They need to settle this once and for all. A bond that did not always exist can be broken. At least she hopes that that is the case, hence the books.

Maz told her about this place, said that the owner is trustworthy and knows about the force. Rey can only hope he actually has the books she needs.

When the vender returns with two equally thick books in his arms and puts them down on the table, there is a worried expression on his face.

“These are the only copies we have. You can’t buy or borrow them, but you are welcome to read them here.”

He motions around. Rey bites her lower lip and nods.

“Thank you.”

Determined she puts down her satchel and shrugs her jacket off. The vender is still standing next to the table, his jaw working.

“How did you find this place?” he asks when she sits down and opens the first book.

Rey looks up at him. He truly seems dazzled by her being here, a pair of dark eyes staring at her.

“The force guides me wherever I need to be.”

He raises an eyebrow at her answer.

“My mother told you, didn’t she?”

“Actually, Maz told me. I don’t think I know your mother.” She frowns and shrugs slightly, turning her head towards the book again.

His interest doesn’t seem to be satisfied, yet.

“What’s your name?”

Her gaze flickers up again.

“Rey.”

Suddenly his whole demeanour changes. She can tell that he has heard her name before. It’s clearly visible in the way he regards her with a somewhat unbelieving glance. There is fascination there, but a slight frown as well.

“The girl I’ve heard so much about.” It sounds as though he hasn’t meant to say it out loud.

“You and every other coven,” she murmurs and looks at the book again.

He seems to be thinking for a while, because it takes him some time before he speaks again.

“I’m Ben,” he introduces himself. “If you need me, call for me. I’ll be downstairs, dusting the shelves.”

She nods, giving him a weak smile, before he leaves her alone.

Ben comes looking for her two hours later. Rey is too engrossed in the ancient texts to notice that he is talking to her.

“Excuse me?” she says and swallows thickly when she looks up at him. His dark eyes are trained on her again and she notices how his skin is splattered with beauty marks.

“They aren’t exactly page turners,” he repeats and offers her a sympathetic smile.

“Mhm,” she agrees.

“Why are you researching dyads anyways?” he asks and Rey presses her lips together. There is no way he hasn’t heard of her, if he is a crafter. He even knew her name, so she doesn’t really understand his question. Everyone knows that Kylo Ren and her are soulmates.

She decides not to add too much to the gossip he might be trying to get out of her.

“Trying to find a way to undo it.”

Surprisingly that shuts him up, his face becoming emotionless, before he nods and leaves her alone again.

She returns the next afternoon after her shift at Plutt’s is over. It turns out that the books are thick and she isn’t a fast reader. She will need a few days to get through them.

Ben gives her a small smile when she enters the store, but leaves her alone after handing her the books again.

Rey is grateful, that there aren’t many customers and most of them don’t come upstairs to look around. She likes the solitude while reading. So far she has only read about the force itself. Dyads and even forcebonds have been mentioned, but the information is pretty basic and doesn’t tell her anything Maz hasn’t told her already.

Her frustration grows when she reaches parts of the book that are written in Latin. She has no idea, what the words mean.

Sighing she stands up and looks for Ben.

He sits behind the counter, deeply invested in the book in his hands.

“Ben?” It feels weird using his first name like that, when they don’t actually know each other and have barely spoken.

He looks up, eyes filled with surprise.

“Yes?”

“You don’t happen to understand Latin, do you?”

He puts a bookmark into the opened page and closes the book.

“In fact I do.”

Rey is equally relieved and terrified. There is something about him that makes her want to run and get closer to him at the same time. She just can’t figure out what.

Ben, as it turns out, is able to translate the whole text for her. In his very patient way he explains every part to her, even though most of it is irrelevant.

Rey is sitting next to him, nodding whenever he says something, her eyes trailing over his face ever so often. She notices how good he smells and how his dark hair falls into his face when he reads. Would it be soft if she reached out and touched it?

She realizes her hands are sweating, when she points at a part he just explained.

Kriff, why is she so nervous?

“Rey?” he asks and she flushes while blinking at him. What did he say?

“Are you hungry? Your stomach growled.”

Embarrassment floods her. Can the floor just open up already and swallow her?

“I…I just haven’t eaten, yet,” she stammers and shakes her head as though it’s no big deal.

Ben stares at her.

“Like dinner or today?” he asks and hits the nail on the head. Rey nervously scratches her neck.

“Don’t worry about, okay? As soon as I get home I will eat something.”

He doesn’t say anything. Instead he stands up and walks away, disappearing from her view. Still embarrassed and slightly worried Rey bites her lower lip and stares at the texts in front of her. Without Ben she won’t be able to read the book.

Is he really mad at her for not eating anything today? It’s not like this is the first time she goes without food, but she has a feeling she shouldn’t tell him that.

When he comes back from wherever he was, he carries something wrapped in aluminium foil.

“I brought two sandwiches with me today.” He puts it down in front of her and Rey feels her mouth water just at the thought of how it might taste. “Wasn’t that hungry though, so… be my guest.”

He sits down again and resumes reading. Rey is glancing at him shyly. She feels a bit like a charity case, but she is really hungry and it’s nice of him to give her his sandwich.

“Thank you,” she offers and unwraps it, not even caring enough to bother with what is on it, before taking a big bite out of it. The delicious taste of cheese and tomatoes fills her mouth and she quickly takes another bite.

She knows she is a messy eater. Spending your childhood in foster homes and orphanages does that to you.

Ben is looking at her eat for a few seconds and then a smile appears on his face and Rey feels a weird flutter in her chest, but chooses to ignore it.

Deciding to concentrate on the task she looks at the book again all while munching silently.

She is making progress. After one week she can leave the first book behind. It held absolutely no information on how to dissolve a soulmate bond, but Rey now knows just how potent her connection to Kylo is.

If he weren’t cut off from the force, she would be able to locate him, talk to him via telepathy and even share dreams. Somehow she is grateful he doesn’t force himself on her or has tried to contact her. Apparently they are on the same page concerning this whole situation.

“Have a good day at work tomorrow,” Ben says when she leaves the store one Wednesday evening and her steps falter. Hesitantly she turns around and faces him. A smile appears on his face as she does and her heart does a traitorous leap again.

“Actually, I took a day off tomorrow. I can be here even earlier. Might even finish the second book,” she explains and somehow that thought saddens her, because if she is done reading she won’t have a reason to visit him anymore.

Ben nods thoughtfully, staring at the counter in front of him.

“Would you… would you like to have lunch with me then? Tomorrow I mean.”

She can hear how much it would mean to him and she feels herself flush again.

“Sure. That sounds good.”

Suddenly feeling ten pounds lighter she steps outside and grins all the way to her tiny flat.

“After you,” Ben says when they enter the diner the next day.

Rey is feeling giddy and excited at being somewhere else with Ben, even though this isn’t an official date. But during the past weeks she has come to like him a great deal and she certainly considers him a friend now. His quite and gentle nature brings her the kind of peace she has longed for in her life for a long time.

Nervously she looks for the best place to sit and quickly makes out a free table in a corner. It’s cosy, but there are a few people around.

They order and wait for the waitress to leave, before either of them speaks.

“Thanks for suggesting this place. It’s really nice here,” Rey says and cringes internally at her social skills. Small talk isn’t her forte, plus she is nervous as hell.

Ben smiles anyways and it lights up his pretty face.

“I used to come here a lot, back then.” He sounds contemplative, looking around the place as if he is seeing ghosts in every corner.

Rey folds her hands on the table, kneading her fingers.

The waitress comes back with their drinks and Ben takes a sip when she leaves, bringing his gaze back to Rey.

“You are a crafter, right?” she blurs out, realizing she barely knows anything about him, except for some meaningless banter they had while reading the books.

Slowly he nods. “Yes, I am.”

She nods, too.

“Do you belong to one of the coven?”

“No.” He takes another sip. “I dropped out of the last one a while ago. Their believes just didn’t really fit with my goals in life anymore.”

It sounds interesting and Rey finds herself wanting to ask more, but the careful way he laid the words out, makes her aware, that that might be something he doesn’t want to talk about. So she opts for another question.

“What are your goals in life then?”

“A quiet life would be nice.” He sighs.

“How exactly does that look like?”

She leans forward slightly, eyes fixed on his face.

“For me a quiet life means... no living for other people’s expectations, for example. Being your own person. Not being afraid to loose your good or bad reputation. In general accepting that good and bad don’t exist. And also not being afraid to feel something.”

His words hit something buried deep inside her and she feels her throat tighten a bit. Theoretically she knows that her coven is one of the best and everyone treats her well, but she is also dealing with peoples expectations and sometimes she just wants to do things people would frown upon.

Hesitantly she nods.

“A quiet life really does sound nice then.”

She absently rubs over her upper arm, where her scar is placed.

“Maybe I will join you.”

The corner of his mouth twitches upwards and she can tell he is holding back an amused smile.

“Don’t temp me.”

“I mean it, “ she confirms and he smiles.

“I would like that a lot,“ he says and she blushes and is about to tell him how much she would like it as well, but then their food arrives.

They eat in silence. Ben looks at her from time to time and she can’t help but feel like he is smiling about her eating habits. In response she sticks out her tongue and he chuckles.

“No, no. It’s my treat,” he says when she is searching for her money. Startled she looks at him.

“You are helping me so much already.”

Ben takes her hand over the table and squeezes it slightly. Her skin tingles were he touches her.

“Please, Rey. Let me treat you.”

His gaze bores into hers and she finds herself nodding, her hand still humming from his touch and her head playing an endless loop of him saying her name like that. Somehow she can’t say no to him.


	3. Like lovers do

She actually finishes the book the next day. Still there is no information on how to destroy the bond she has with Kylo Ren, but she has come to this wicked idea, that if he isn’t available in the force why should she even care?

There is someone else in her life now anyways. Sure, she doesn’t know what exactly Ben sees in her, but his subtle way of making her feel at home whenever she is close to him, makes her greedy for more.

She is certain he likes her somehow. Maybe he wants to be friends, maybe he wants more. She will take what she can get. No one has ever made her feel so cared for and her hunger for something real, something profound gets stronger with every minute in his presence.

With him she doesn’t need to hide. It’s like he sees all of her and is still pleased.

The ringing of the bell when a customer enters brings her out of her thoughts. She is still sitting at the table staring at the book she just finished reading. She needs a plan B now, something that will justify why she is visiting his bookstore every afternoon, without even buying something. Panic rises within her, when she hears his footsteps on the creaky stairs and she quickly opens one of the last pages of the book again, pretending to read.

“Hey,” his voice is soft when he interrupts her act. He is carrying a plate, with a piece of cake on it.

“My mother made this. I saved a piece for you.”

He places it in front of her and Rey feels touched by his thoughtfulness. She is pretty sure he has noticed by now how much she loves food and her throat tightens slightly.

“Thank you, Ben.” She grabs his arm and squeezes it slightly.

“Can I treat you to dinner some time?” The words tumble out of her mouth before she can stop herself.

He stills.

“It’s okay, Rey. You don’t owe me anything,” he says, disappointment lacing his voice for some reason and he pulls away from her reluctantly.

“No, I know. I…” She hesitates, her face heating. Maybe she misunderstood his kindness.

“I meant like a date.”

Apparently that had been the last thing on his mind, because he is staring at her, mouth agape.

Okay, she clearly misjudged the situation. He is not interested in her and honestly she can’t blame him. Even if he somehow found her attractive, she is basically a married woman. Not by law, but by the force and they both know which one is more permanent.

“Sorry. I understand if you are not interested,” she rambles and stares down at the cake to hide the big blush that’s on her face.

“No, I am,” he exclaims abruptly and Rey’s head jerks up to look at him again. “I would love to go on a date with you.”

A grin forms on her face and he blushes, slightly retreating.

“Just give me a time and place and I’ll be there.”

They meet a day later. It’s dark outside and snow falls silently. The restaurant Rey chose is cosy and the staff is friendly. Rose once invited her to eat with her here.

Ben is wearing black, which looks elegant against his pale skin and Rey has put on her best winter-appropriate dress, beige and formfitting with long sleeves. She knows it’s not revealing, but she likes it and she couldn’t afford to buy something new. Plutt hasn’t paid her yet. Still Ben compliments her looks when they sit down and she feels a blush creeping up her neck. What is it with him that always leaves her so flustered?

“Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself.”

He smiles and hands her the menu.

“This is the first time you have your hair down,” he mentions and Rey nods, hoping her hair still looks okay after being outside in this weather.

“I like it.” He starts reading the menu again, leaving her to her own thoughts.

While she is staring at the menu, she is barely reading. In fact she isn’t even sure if she can eat something at this point. This chance, him going on a date with her, is so important to her that she can’t bear to think of how it will be when he eventually decides that she is not worth the time.

She dearly hopes it won’t break her heart, but when he smiles at her and she feels her insides flutter, she is afraid she is just fooling herself.

While they wait for the food to arrive Ben asks about her work and while he has done so before, he seems even more determined on making her see that she can do better than what she currently doing.

“You are so ambitious. Plus, you are young. There are a lot of different ways to take at your age. You can still make your dreams come true.”

“You make it sound as though you are super old.” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Well, I’m 32 already. That’s ten years your senior, right?”

Rey shrugs, unsure how he figured out her age. “I don’t mind.”

He swallows audibly.

“I’m just saying you could do a lot with your life. If it’s about money, I’m sure we can find a way to make it work.”

“I know. I know I should quit. But that is a big step. People only make it seem easy, when it’s actually not,” Rey sighs. “But you know there might be a chance for me. Leia, my coven leader, has invited me to dinner tomorrow and she said that she and her husband would like to talk to me about something concerning my future.”

She smiles at the thought, happy that Han has recovered and is well again. It’s been a while since she has last visited Leia and she is already looking forward to the interesting conversations they will have. Leia knows about her problematic work and has offered her help to find something new.

Ben presses his lips together and nods.

“You like them a lot, don’t you?” His voice is rough.

“They are like family to me. Which makes it even worse that their son is-“ she stops herself. That isn’t really a topic for this date.

“Have you figured out, what you want to do about him?” Ben asks and Rey blinks a few times. “Uhm, well I can’t dissolve the bond and as long as Kylo isn’t opening his side I won’t come into contact with him, which is fine by me.”

“So you’ll ignore him?”

She nods.

“Have you ever wondered how it would be to meet him? How he would be like?” he asks and Rey frowns. Does he really want to talk about Kylo Ren on their date?

“Not really, no.”

She huffs, when he raises an eyebrow.

“I know what this looks like. That I’m quick to judge, even though I don’t know him, but I just can’t let someone close, who is using the force for dark purposes. Not after what happened with my parents.”

“Your parents?” Ben leans forward, frowning at her. “What about your parents?”

Rey lets out a shaky breath. “I-I don’t know. My parents left me in front of an orphanage, when I was five.”

“Oh.”

“I just… you know I always hoped they would come back for me.”

He hums and nods, sympathy written on his face, giving her enough courage to go on.

“Later when I learned about the force I thought that if they were crafters surely they must have been using the dark side, because why would they not feel enough compassion to come back for their child?”

Ben reaches out for her hand at her words and gives it a squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Rey.”

She shakes her head, but there are unshed tears in her eyes.

“I was looking for an excuse. In truth I guess they just didn’t want me.”

Ben shakes his head. “Don’t do this to yourself. You are worth of their love. You deserve it. It is their loss. They will never know how awesome their daughter is, but don’t burden yourself with this, Rey. It’s not your fault.”

She nods and he keeps caressing her hand, trying to calm her down.

“Tell me about your family,” she implores.

He looks at the table, not letting go of her hand though.

“I know how it feels like to feel unworthy of your parent’s love. My parents and I had a lot of differences in the past. I’m still not on speaking terms with my father, but I meet with my mother from time to time.”

His jaw is working again and Rey waits for him to continue.

“When I was little they would never have time for me, too busy with work or their coven. I started feeling alone and that only got worse as a teenager. There was so much anger in me. So much hate and sadness.”

He pauses.

“I met a coven leader, who promised me power and acknowledgement. He convinced me to cut ties with my parents and join his coven.”

He looks at their joined hands.

“Later I realized he was using the force for dark purposes, but I had what I wanted. I became more and more powerful though there was always this pull towards my family and sometimes I really hated myself for leaving my parents behind. I figured that if I left the coven they would not want me back after what I had done to them and that thought kept me there.”

“But you did leave.”

He sighs.

“Yes. I did and my mom answered when I called her. She… forgave me. I just… haven’t forgiven myself, yet.”

It’s the moment their food arrives and they have to part.

“So, now you know. I was dark once,” he admits and Rey’s eyes widen because though she just heard his story she hasn’t realized that this is what he was trying to tell her.

Shaking her head she sits up straight and looks at him.

“It’s okay. All that matters is that you got out of it. You should be proud of yourself for taking the step.”

She dearly hopes he can hear the sincerity in her voice, because she really means it. The past is the past. Ben looks at her then, a little pained, as though there is something she doesn’t know. “I’m going to tell you more about it, but not now. I think your pizza is starting to cool already.”

“I like cold pizza.”

That earns her an unbelieving stare from him and she chuckles.

“Have you even tried it?”

“I’m not sure I want to,” he admits and there is a blush on his cheeks.

“Maybe I will convince you in the future,” Rey shrugs and shoves the first fork full of pizza into her mouth. She chews and swallows soundly.

“We could order pizza some time and then just leave a piece for you to try for breakfast.”

Ben looks at her then as though she is the most marvellous being he has ever seen.

“No one said anything about pizza for breakfast. Cold is already worse enough.”

Rey grins at him then and winks.

“You’ll see.”

“Hey, if you’re done reading the books now, does that mean you won’t visit anymore?” he asks, just as she is typing her number into his phone.

She purses her lips. “No, of course not. I could learn to like reading, I guess. I bet you could recommend all kinds of good books, right?”

They have left the restaurant and are currently walking through the nearby park. Snow crunches beneath their feet and their breaths are clearly visible. Grateful she opted for the knitted dress and heavy coat Rey tucks her hands inside her pockets as soon as the phone is back in Ben’s clutch.

“Also it doesn’t hurt that I happen to know the shopkeeper and he is really sweet, easy on the eye, has a heart-warming smile.” She doesn’t even mean to tell him all these things, but she blames the small glass of wine she had.

Ben looks at her, a smile playing on his lips. “Easy on the eye? Are you making fun of me?”

She still smiles, but stops walking. “No, why would I?”

He turns towards her abruptly, their breaths mingling.

“It’s just an unpopular opinion you have there.”

He shrugs, as if it doesn’t matter to him, but she can see that it bothers him.

“I think you are very handsome, Ben. I swear it.”

Their gazes meet and she can tell that he is genuinely surprised by her words.

Somehow she must have moved towards him, because he is closer now and she can nearly feel his warmth.

“Truly?” he breathes and eyes her lips.

She hums in response and slowly closes the distance between them.

His lips are soft, just like she imagined them and also warm, considering the cold.

At first he doesn’t move at all and then he seems to grasp what she is doing and reciprocates. His movements are a bit clumsy, as if he has never done this before, but Rey couldn’t care less. She isn’t exactly experienced either. All she knows is that she has never kissed someone who makes her feel as alive as Ben does. She can even feel the force humming around them.

Her lips are tingling and heat is unfolding from within her while she tastes him. It’s spreading through her body and making her skin prickle with want.

He applies more pressure, and moves one hand to her lower back, steadying her. She can feel her face flush even more, breathing becoming laboured.

Ben sounds as desperate as her and it makes her insides hum with relieve and pleasure.

It’s only when his cold hand comes up to cradle her face that she breaks away and giggles. She completely forgot they are still in a public park. It’s late, but as she looks around she sees a couple walking their dog and someone else passes by them.

Her eyes find Ben’s again and she snuggles into his embrace, while looking up at him.

“It’s cold. Let’s go somewhere warmer.”

Ben nods, pressing a soft kiss unto her forehead.

“You might like this,” he says and hands her a cup filled with his own creation of coffee. They decided to not end their date yet. Instead they are in his flat, close to the bookstore. It’s clean and practical. There are only a few personal belongings, but Rey likes it. He only displays what is important to him.

She takes a sip and sighs as the hot liquid warms her insides.

“I do. This is pretty good.”

He smiles at her.

“The secret ingredient is cinnamon, cacao and loads of sugar.”

She throws one hand theatrically up to her forehead, the other still tightly clutching the cup.

“Guilty as charged. I love sweets.”

She sits down next to him on the sofa and places the coffee on the table. Now that they are inside and so close to each other she feels her nervousness creeping up on her again.

“Rey?”

Turning her upper body to face him, she gives him a shy glance.

“Can I kiss you again?”

He looks as though he is seriously concerned she might say no.

“Of course,” she licks her lips and waits for him to approach. He takes his time, judges her every reaction to his movements and when his lips finally touch hers she is ready to burst with anticipation.

This kiss is different. It’s more sensual, as if he is trying to memorize how her lips feel beneath him. She reacts on instinct, slowly burying her hands in his lush hair she has been dying to touch ever since she first saw him. After a while his breathing goes ragged and she feels his hands on her waist. Something coils within her lower belly and she nearly whines when he suddenly parts from her.

There is a blush on his face when he finally looks at her.

“Sorry. I’m probably not doing a very good job.” He looks at his hands, still holding her waist. “I…I’ve never…” he trails of and Rey‘s eyes widen with understanding. She doesn’t understand how someone like him has never had a partner before, but she feels her face turn bright red as well when she admits: ”Me neither.”

There is hope in his eyes when he ducks down to steal another kiss from her and Rey smiles against his lips and pulls him closer.

She leaves his flat a while later, her lips swollen from heavy kissing and her knickers drenched. Things hadn’t gone past kissing even though both of them where hungry for more. But both of them didn’t want to rush things and regret it later. So instead Rey opts for a session with her hand tonight and indecent thoughts about Ben. She is pretty sure he will do the same and the idea sends a tingle trough her body.

When she arrives at home she sends Ben a quick message, letting him know that she made it home all right and is going to bed now.

He texts back, wishing her a good night and telling her that he looks forward to their next date. Rey bites her lower lip to hide her grin, as she presses the phone to her chest.

She has never been this happy before.


	4. My heart's grave

Dinner with Leia and Han goes well. Rey stuffs herself with all the food she wants and listens to the news Leia tells her, mostly unimportant things about the coven. It’s after dessert that they tell her why she has actually been invited.

“You know, kid. I could need a hand at the repair shop, someone who is capable and reliable. I would pay you a steady amount of money; you’d have insurance and nice colleagues. What do you say?”

He slides a contract towards her and Rey is grabbing it with shaking hands, still shell shocked he is even suggesting she work for him. She has thought about asking for a job before, but she had always felt like she would be a burden for asking for help.

“You don’t have to decide today,” Han adds when she finishes reading the last page, but Rey smiles.

The decision is already made.

“Do you have a pencil?”

She doesn’t go to the bookstore for three days even though she longs to see Ben desperately, instead using the time to quit her current workplace at Plutt’s, who is not amused at her sudden dismissal, and work the first day at Millennium Falcon.

It’s awesome.

Rey loves everything about her new job and she can’t wait to tell Ben. In the evening she decides to call him and when he picks up she updates him about her nice colleagues and the wonderful diner close by. She tells him how wonderful Han treats her – like the daughter he never had – and how much more she enjoys this kind of work in general.

Ben congratulates her. Even though there is a tightness in his voice as they talk about her new job, he is happy she changed her workplace.

When she finally does visit his bookstore she storms inside and nearly knocks over a customer who is leaving. Quickly apologizing she makes her way towards the counter and gives Ben a blinding smile.

“Are you free this evening?” she asks and he nods, smiling at her.

“Of course.”

“Good. I missed you,” she admits and comes up to hug him. He smells like home and Rey sighs happily.

“Do you have plans?” He asks against her forehead. She reluctantly pulls away from him.

“I thought maybe we could cook something together and then watch a movie at yours?”

The sheepish smile on her face makes it clear that she hopes he is okay with using his flat yet again. She just isn’t very happy with hers and will probably look for something else soon, since Han pays her way better than Plutt ever has.

“Sounds good.” He nods and reaches under the counter to fish out two books for her.

“I thought you might like some reading material while you wait for me to close the store.”

She raises an eyebrow at his choices, but takes them and goes upstairs to read.

They exit the store together one hour later and Ben takes her hand into his, leading her home.

“Maybe next time you’ll just stand by and let me cook,” he frowns and looks at the big red stain of tomato sauce Rey managed to splatter her chest with. They are in his home, cooking spaghetti with meatballs. It’s mostly Ben who does the cooking, since Rey seems to jinx everything she touches. First she knocked a glass off the counter and now this.

She pouts while examining her dirty shirt.

“Do you think this will wash out?”

He regards it carefully, which makes her all too aware how close his face is to her breasts.

“Maybe with a cleansing spell,” he mutters. “Wait here.”

He leaves the kitchen and Rey stirs the sauce again for good measure. A few seconds later he is back, carrying a simple black shirt. He hands it to her and turns off the cooker.

“You can change in the bathroom if you want to. I’ll prepare the plates.”

Rey feels the soft fabric in her hand and blushes. This whole thing they have going on feels so domestic and yet so new. She quickly shuffles to the bathroom and soaks her dirty shirt in water, before shrugging on the one Ben has given her. It fits her like a dress.

When she comes into the living room again Ben is waiting for her. He regards her silently, his gaze unreadable for her.

The food is on the table and he has already prepared Netflix. They are watching pride and prejudice. Rey has never seen it before, even though she knows bits and pieces of the story.

Smiling she sits down next to him and he hands her a bowl filled with spaghetti and meatballs. It smells delicious.

“Thanks,” she says and picks up her fork.

“Enjoy your meal,” Ben smiles at her and does the same. The movie starts playing and they eat and watch for a while.

Twenty minutes later Rey has finished eating, but she is still clutching the bowl, too engrossed in the movie. It’s much better than she expected and Ben seems pleased with himself for choosing it.

After a while he takes the empty dishes into the kitchen and returns with a bowl of popcorn. Rey happily pops some into her mouth while watching the main characters miscommunicate with each other. It’s possibly the best romantic flick she has ever seen and the biggest plus is having Ben right next to her.

When the movie ends Rey is hugging Ben’s arm. She has snuggled into his side while watching and had even cried a few tears close to the ending.

“I take it you liked the movie then?”

He sounds smug and Rey huffs.

“How is this not more popular? This longing…the mutual pining… it’s just perfect.”

Ben smiles. “I think I should introduce you to Jane Austen’s books.”

Rey nods. “Yes, please.”

Slowly she leans forward and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He shifts his body and turns his head to catch her lips before she can pull away. A shiver runs down her spine, as she breathes in his scent. Being close to Ben is so addictive, it’s scary.

His lips graze hers and her hunger grows. Automatically her tongue comes out to taste him and she moans lowly, as she feels her nipples harden. He pulls her closer still, one arm sneaking around her lower back and suddenly she is pressed against his side, but the position isn’t comfortable and so Rey quickly decides to straddle him.

The idea is brilliant because now she has much better access to his body and when she moves closer, she can’t help but feel the bulge growing between his legs and starting to strain against his jeans.

There is a devious glance in her eyes, when she gives an experimental push and presses her core towards his. Their responses are alike. Both suck in a breath and Ben’s hands come down to clutch her hips.

“Sweetheart,” he rasps against her lips, but goes silent again when she repeats the motion. Rey’s whole body is tingling, her centre already feeling wet and empty. She is not used to touch and closeness and she is afraid this close proximity brings out her sexual desires, which have been buried within her for ages. Still she feels herself give in to her urges.

This feels so right she wants it to continue.

With eager movements she captures his mouth again and uses her lower body to grind against him. Ben isn’t complaining, instead she feels his hands guide her as they stay on her body, shifting along with her movements. They are both breathing heavily and the heat that’s coiling in Rey’s core is growing with each touch.

She speeds up her ministrations, creating more friction and rubbing steadily against Ben’s jeans clad erection. He is sucking and kissing at her mouth, absolutely drunk with lust, his movements sloppy and uncontrolled.

Rey isn’t any better. She can feel her orgasm approaching and is now moaning and gasping, barely able to control her movements anymore.

Ben apparently takes this as a sign to take over for her, because he is moving her lower body the way she likes it. Already Rey is starting to shiver on top of him, seconds away from her peak.

She clutches his shoulders and her hardened nipples brush against his chest just as he presses her down onto his bulge.

It tips her over.

Suddenly shuddering on top of him, she feels her empty core clench, muscles tightening and loosening and can do nothing but moan. With closed eyes she tries to steady herself on top of Ben, but when he realises what’s happening he gives one thrust up against her core and comes silently, pressing his head against her throat and pressing soft kisses to her skin there.

They sit silently for a few seconds, both trying to catch their breaths. Rey knows she is completely flushed and she hopes she doesn’t look too horrible.

Suddenly feeling shy she pulls back to look at Ben and when he looks up at her, his gaze is unlike anything she has ever seen.

His hair is wild, which is probably her fault, and his lips are slightly swollen from kissing. Also her fault. But it’s his gaze that gets her, because the way he looks at her is pure and full of adoration. For a second she is so sure he loves her, she would bet her life on it. But the rational part of her brain knows it’s too soon for such feelings. Even if there are butterflies in her own belly and her heart is beating against her chest every time she sees him, she is sure while she might love him, he can’t possibly feel that for her.

The smile on his face is slowly morphing into a grin and then he kisses her again, softer this time and more controlled.

“Was that okay?” Rey asks slowly when he pulls away from her.

Ben chuckles. “More than okay for me. Did you like it?”

“Yes.” She feels herself flush even more and leans towards him to give him a hug. “Maybe next time we can do it without our clothes on?”

She hears him letting out a deep breath, before he murmurs: ”You’ll be the death of me.”

Still he clutches her towards him and she bites her lip at his answer, before placing another soft kiss on his cheek.

With her head on his shoulder she can hear his heartbeat and they stay like that for a while.

The next morning she is still filled with enough happiness she thinks she might burst. Even Chewie notices and asks her about it, but she just grins and shrugs.

Around noon Han calls her into his office to give her a key for the repair shop.

“Just in case you ever need to open up or close it,” he says and Rey feels proud that he trusts her this much already. She signs the papers stating that she is now the owner of a key to the shop and takes it, carefully tugging it into the breast pocket of her boiler suit.

“I was right to employ you. You are doing a very good job. The customers like you, too,” Han compliments her and Rey blushes, not used to being praised for anything, especially not work.

“Thank you,” she replies happily and turns around to get back to work when her eyes suddenly fall onto a framed picture that’s hanging on the wall beside the door. She has never noticed it before, but now she is looking at it and it makes her cease every movement, because Ben is on that picture.

He is younger, but it’s clearly him. Han and Leia are standing behind him and they look like a happy family.

Rey stares at it and she doesn’t want to believe what she is seeing.

Blinking she moves closer to the wall and stares. She must be hallucinating, because if he were really in that picture, it would mean that Ben lied to her from the start. It would mean that he is actually the person she has been trying to get rid of the whole time. And it would mean that she has fallen in love with Kylo Ren, her soulmate.

“Everything all right, kid?” Han comes up behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder and Rey realizes she is shaking.

“Who is this?” Her voice is nearly breaking, because she knows whom this is. She can see the resemblance now that she knows.

“That’s Ben. My son.” Han’s voice is heavy now, as if he doesn’t like talking about him.

Rey feels tears gather in her eyes. She needs to hear it.

“He is Kylo Ren?” she asks, as though she isn’t sure of it and he will not confirm her worst fear.

“Yes.”

She nods. Blood is rushing in her ears and her vision blurs. Before Han can say anything else, Rey is out the door and heading for the back of the shop, where she locks herself in the bathroom and lets her tears fall.

There is a knock on the door a while later. Han sends her home and tells her to get some rest. He assures her that she still has her job, but he wants her to calm down and Rey reluctantly does as he says.

At home she cries some more and contemplates confronting Ben, but she doesn’t feel like she has enough energy left to do it. She feels so utterly betrayed that she isn’t sure she will ever forgive him for lying to her. He had so many opportunities to tell her and he never did.

After last night, she thought they were serious. She thought they would have a future. But he withheld the most important information about himself from her and she can’t ignore that.

Her phone rings that evening, showing her that Ben is calling, but she doesn’t pick up. Instead she sits with the back against her bed, staring at the blank wall and letting the sounds of her phone fill the silence.

He texts he the next day and the day after, his messages getting more desperate and worried with each time he writes. After three days Rey finally snaps. He deserves her silence for what he has done, but he has to stop trying to reach her.

Rey (20:42): Stop texting me. I know who you are.

His answer is immediate.

Ben (20:42): Please let me explain the situation.

Rey contemplates not answering him, but she wants to make it clear that he is not to talk to her anymore.

Rey (20:44): You lied to me. Don’t contact me again.

She knows she is harsh, knows that she is only being mean, because she is so hurt. But she needs space now. Just to be sure she blocks his number and hates herself for doing so.

Two hours later she is lying in her bed when she feels it. Feels him to be precisely.

Ben has opened the bond and is using the force again.

It’s like she had been underwater the whole time and can finally breathe once more. She doesn’t remember it being that way, but then again he had closed himself off directly after they had found out about their connection.

Like a glowing string between them she can now feel his presence. It’s stronger than she suspected and it’s luring her towards him. She can barely resist the pull.

_Rey, please give me a chance_. His voice is faint, but she still hears him.

_I told you to leave me alone_ , she answers angrily and knows her emotions carry through the bond.

_I will,_ he promises. _After we talk._

She screams into the empty room. How dare he make such a demand?

_There is nothing to talk about. You lied to me the whole time._

She can even feel his stupid feelings of regret.

_I know. I didn’t mean to._

_So what? That happened accidentally?_ She is livid and starts pacing her bedroom as they speak.

_No. I just wanted to get to know you. I knew you would have left, had you know about my past. I didn’t plan for our relationship to progress like that. It just happened. I just… I just fell in love with you._

She feels tears gather in her eyes.

_You are a monster and a liar._

_It’s true Rey._

She shakes her head even though she can now feel the truth in his words along with his feelings. He really loves her.

_How could you think that after you lied to me I would still want to be with you?_ , she askes and crosses her hands in front of her breasts, though he can’t see her.

His answer surprises her.

_I don’t. I was astonished you were even interested in dating me in the first place. But I knew that I would never have been given this chance as Kylo Ren._

She snorts, while he continues.

_I expected all of this. I expected you leaving me. I expected your hate. It’s okay, Rey. I understand you. I just wanted a chance to explain myself to you._

Rey hates how much she loves him. Hates how she would love to act as though nothing happened, but her heart is still bleeding from his betrayal and she can’t forgive him.

_Fancy of you to assume an explanation would make it all better._

_I know it doesn’t_ , he simply says and there is so much regret coming from him that Rey nearly gives in. She wants to reassure him and tell him it’s okay. But he lied to her and she doesn’t need liars in her life.

_We can’t be_ , she says and her eyes fill with more tears. _No matter what you want to tell me. We can’t._

And then she shuts her side of the bond.


	5. The last time

She can still feel him. It’s been two weeks since they last spoke face to face, but his presence is always with her.

Currently she is working on a customer’s car and there is sweat on her forehead. February is surprisingly mild and she finds herself enjoying the sun on her face while going for a walk more and more often.

Much to her regret she still loves Ben.

It seems like her feelings won’t ebb, even though she hasn’t seen him in such a long time.

She still can’t believe she fell for Kylo Ren, the man, who nearly killed his own father, her rival, a godforsaken dark side crafter. At least he used to be. She hopes it’s not another lie, but then again she asks herself why she cares so much. She should get over him, but it pains her every day to be away from him.

Rose has been there for her. They talked about what happened with Ben and though Rose couldn’t give her a solution for the situation, she helped Rey process everything that happened.

Rey sighs. She is nearly finished. Just a few more check ups and-

A pain in her stomach makes her gasp and she tumbles to the ground. Her insides hurt, but then there is another pain in her face. She feels dizzy, even though she realizes the pain isn’t hers.

It’s radiating through the bond, strong enough for her to feel even though she has closed herself off. Immediately concerned for Ben’s wellbeing she opens the bond.

_Ben?_ , she sends through their connection.

At first there is nothing and Rey stands up again, supporting herself with the help of the car next to her. Finally he responses.

_Don’t come here. It’s a trap_.

_Who is doing this to you?_

There is more pain, now in her arm.

_Snoke,_ Ben says and it sound as though he is barely holding on. _Don’t come here, Rey. Stay safe._

She doesn’t even think of following his pleas. He is in pain and he needs her. Suddenly fuelled by her decision she runs to Han’s office and interrupts a conversation between him and Chewie.

“Ben is hurt. Snoke is torturing him. He needs us,” she says hurriedly and Han reacts immediately.

“Chewie, get the Falcon. I’m calling Leia. Do you know where he is?”

Rey doesn’t even need a second to locate him. “He’s at the bookstore.”

They arrive seven minutes later. Rey has been feeling Ben’s pain the whole time and she knows whatever Snoke has done, must have hurt him tremendously.

She can’t fathom how Snoke has the audacity to come into the bookstore during daytime and attack Ben, but he will pay for doing so.

The little bell rings when she storms into the store, not bothering to wait for Han and Chewie.

She sees Ben immediately. He is tied to a chair, eyes closed and there is blood on his face and chest. Four other coven members are with him, but they are wearing hoods and she can’t recognize them.

Suddenly Rey is grateful she is wearing her crystals around her neck. They will strengthen her. She will need a lot of power against all of them.

Snoke steps out of a corner and opens his arms. “Ah, how lovely of you to finally join us. My young apprentice here assured me you wouldn’t attend our little get together.”

“What have you done to him?” she nearly hisses.

“Oh, no worries. It might scar, but you know what they say about scars giving a person more character?”

Rey tries to breathe. She can feel Ben and while he is hurt, he knows she came for him.

“Nevertheless, it shouldn’t really matter since you don’t seek a relationship with Kylo Ren, isn’t that true?”

The old man comes closer and regards her with a mean smile.

“Why are you doing this?” Rey asks instead of answering the question. In the back of her mind she questions why Han and Chewie aren’t there to support her, yet, but she doesn’t have time to go looking for them now. Ben needs her.

“Has Ren never told you how he left the coven?” He starts pacing through the room slowly, always keeping his eyes on her.

“He ran. Simply disappeared. I’ve been looking for him for years now. But you ultimately lead me to him. Him becoming more active in the force was your doing after all. It just took some time to get through the protection spells erected by Skywalker and Organa. He was really well guarded.”

Rey frowns.

“If he wanted to leave, why aren’t you letting him go?”

He laughs.

“Foolish girl, I have plans for him. For both of you to be precisely. A dyad is a connection unlike anything else. The power the two of you hold…” He trails of and Rey can feel Ben becoming more aware of his surroundings again. Unbeknown to his capturers he is working on his bindings behind his back.

“So you want us in your coven?” she asks to play for time.

“No, that door closed when my apprentice betrayed me. I want your powers and I will get them. You see all I needed was the two of you in my capacity and now I will finally get what I want.” He turns to the other men. “Get her.”

The coven members approach her and Rey prepares herself. She can’t let more time pass. She will have to do it without Ben.

Grateful for the many fighting lessons she took, she uses the force with a groan and throws the first opponent against the wall next to him. He goes unconscious immediately and Rey uses the momentum to rush forward.

The second and third one are smarter and attack at once. They are also more powerful and Rey has to dodge and use all her fighting knowledge to bring one of them down while the other one is trying to get a hold of her. He surges forward, nearly landing a blow, but she turns right and ducks just in time, kicking his mate into the stomach.

Suddenly number three is thrown through the room, hitting Snoke on the way, who slumps to the ground with him. She sees Ben standing in front of his chair, breathing heavily. Coven member number four rushes to get a hold of Ben again but Rey jumps at him from behind and just then the front door is thrown open and they hear voices filling the room. Han, Chewie, Leia and a whole bunch of coven members rush into the store and are on the attackers immediately. They make quick process, arresting the members of the other coven, as well Snoke.

“The counsel will decide their fate,” Leia explains in a stern voice and rushes to Ben, who is back on his chair. He looks paler than before and Rey feels the need to support him, but doesn’t move. 

“That asshole blocked the entrance with a spell,” Han explains as he passes Rey. “We couldn’t get in without lifting it first.”

She nods. That explains the delay.

Looking around she recognizes familiar faces throwing her concerned glances. Rose is there, as well as Poe and Finn. They are escorting the members of the First Order outside.

“Are you alright?” Chewie asks and Rey nods. “Yes. I’m good. Ben is the one, who is hurt.”

She watches him silently and can’t help but feel a bit lost in all of this. To be certain he is all right, she looks into their bond again and though there is pain, he feels better now. A weight has been lifted of his shoulders. Both his parents are standing close to him and support him.

Rey bites her bottom lip and turns around. This is what family looks like, she thinks and hugs herself.

Three hours later they are all at Leia’s house. Ben’s wounds have been looked at by a doctor. He is currently occupying the guest room and Rey, who is lingering in the kitchen with Rose and Finn, checks on him through the bond from time to time. She knows she should close it again. It will make the parting later easier. But for some reason she can’t bring herself to do so.

She is leaving the bathroom half an hour later and when she passes his door, she overhears a conversation between Ben and Han.

“Dad, I…” Ben swallows audibly. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know you had to do it,” Han says and Rey stops walking. “I put you in a terrible position and I only understood it later on. I’m sorry you had to do it.”

“Snoke… he would have killed you.”

She hears Han sigh. “I know, son. I know.”

Understanding dawns within her as she passes the door as silently as possible and enters the kitchen again, where Leia and Finn are preparing dinner for all of them.

Around eight in the evening everyone starts leaving, but Rey is reluctant to go. She wants to speak to Ben and at the same time she dreads it.

Nervously she is fumbling with the cord of her sweater, when Leia approaches her from behind.

“Rey, Ben is asking for you. He says he understands if you don’t want to talk to him, but he would like to see you.”

She takes a deep breath and nods. When she enters the room and closes the door behind her Ben isn’t looking at her, instead he focuses on his hands. The wound on his face looks better now, but it’s still visible. Rey is surprised to notice he isn’t wearing a shirt. She can see the same scar that is gracing her arm on his one.

Nervously she stands, licking her lips and feeling the anticipation within her rise. Is he going to try and convince her to stay? Does he want to break the bond?

Finally Ben looks at her, but he doesn’t speak. There are all kinds of emotions travelling through the bond again and Rey tries not to focus on them. Instead she clenches her hands into fists.

“I told you not to come,” he finally utters.

Rey gasps. “You could have died!”

“Maybe that would have been better,” he retorts and stares at his hands again.

There is pain now, but it’s emotional pain and Rey feels her throat tighten at his words.

“But your parents love you. They would have been devastated.”

“Yeah, you are right.” He huffs silently and there is a frown on his face. “I spoke with my father. I think we might become friends again.”

Rey lets out a shaky breath, but only nods once. “That’s good.”

They are silent for a few seconds.

“Thank you for bringing him and my mother and Chewie. I didn’t think anyone would come for me.”

Rey tries to swallow the clump forming in her throat. “They love you, Ben. Plus I couldn’t exactly ignore the pain you send through the bond.”

He nods at that, eyes darkening at her words.

“Right.” He kneads his fingers nervously, regret now filling the bond. “I will close my side of the connection again, if you want that.”

Rey just stares at him. Does she want it?

“I know it doesn’t change anything that happened, but I’m still really sorry. I wish things had been differently.” He is working his jaw again and Rey thinks he is blinking a bit too much, but she can’t see if he is crying, because he is not looking at her.

She feels like crying herself.

Having just gone through the fight with Snoke and these horrible moments of thinking Ben might die, Rey feels her resolve crumble. She doesn’t know whom she is trying to convince here. She simply can’t live without him, no matter what she has been trying to tell herself for the last few weeks. He is her freaking soulmate and she can now feel the significance and truth behind their connection.

“It’s getting late and you have work tomorrow, right?” he asks and Rey can feel how much effort it costs him to say that. “You should probably head to bed, get some sleep after all this drama.”

Reluctantly she looks at him, but he doesn't face her. “Thank you again. For everything. I promise I will close the bond,” he repeats and Rey feels tears well in her eyes.

“I’ll not bother you again. If we both close our sides maybe we won’t feel each other anymore.”

That he is actually willing to do that for her, even though it pains him so much, breaks something inside of her.

She takes a step towards him and shakes her head. “Please, don’t.”

He frowns at her and she can tell he is trying to read her emotions, but she can’t even tell herself what she is feeling right now.

“I thought that’s what you wanted,” he tries reluctantly.

Swallowing her pride she takes another step towards him and sits down on the bed in front of him.

“No. That’s not what I want. I just hate that you didn’t tell me who you were, but I understand it now. You were right. I wouldn’t have listened.”

She looks at her hands and sighs. Ben scowls.

“I should have told you, though. I destroyed everything.”

Rey looks at him and he stared back at her with a pained expression.

“You were honest with me during our time together. You never lied. You just left out that important detail about your past,” Rey reassures him.

Ben shrugs. “I think that’s the same as lying.”

“Ben…” She grasps is hand and holds it, unsure what she wants to say.

He looks at their joined hands and she can see that he is contemplating.

“Do you…” He huffs. “Do you think there is a chance we can be friends somehow? I don’t mean best friends or anything, just could we maybe meet sometimes? Have lunch together or- maybe that’s too much. Maybe I could just text you from time to time? I understand if you don’t want to though, I really do. I don’t expect anything…”

She is crying now. Tears are rolling down her cheeks at his words. Does he really think himself not worthy of her love after what he has done? Now that she is here, she sees the damage her actions have done and she just can’t let him believe she doesn’t want him.

Self-conscious she looks around the bed and against all odds there is a staple of books resting on the bedside table, the very first one having a Latin name. Sniffling Rey grabs and opens it.

“Is this book good?” she asks and swallows heavily.

Ben nods.

“Yes, you can have it, if you want to.”

Rey wipes at her cheeks angrily and blinks a few times.

“It’s in Latin. I might need some help reading it.”

He stares at her then, his eyes widening visibly. “You do?”

She tries to focus then, her feelings flowing centred and visible through the bond. Hopeful she starts smiling at him through her tears and she can see the moment he recognizes her love for him. Suddenly his whole face transforms, lighting up in such a beautiful way, that Rey can’t help herself as she leans closer and hugs him.

The happiness that fills her is immediate and she realizes it’s Ben’s happiness. There is still a hint of uncertainty to it, but when Rey surges forward and presses a kiss on his lips a wave of pure joy floods her.

“Are you sure?” he sounds astonished, searching her face for any sign he might be imagining things. She grins at him.

“Yes, Ben. I’m sure.”


End file.
